GAME OVER

Tsk tsk tsk...

2010-03-20T23:08:00.000-07:00

Some years ago I put my name on an internet petition. I knew it was pointless but still held out some form of hope. That petition was for Parasite Eve 3.

Parasite Eve is Squares take on a 3rd person survival horror shooter for the PlayStation. After seeing how no.2 ended with a incredibly open ending I got all eager for the sequel only to discover there were no plans for one. Upon browsing the internet today I came across a title called the "3rd birthday". Recognising the main character as Parasite Eve's, Aya Brea, that small flutter of hope sprung back to life.

Immediately I looked into this "3rd birthday" only to have my hopes superbly and might I say, quite expertly dashed. It turns out the game isn't in fact considered part of the Parasite Eve story and is more of a spin off than a sequel. It's a PSP exclusive which brings the total amount of games I wish to play on the PSP up to 5, all of which I don't feel the need to own. I'm sick of Sony doing this with games I love. If the Metal Gear games on the PSP weren't, I would have rushed out and bought them like the little fanboy I am, but instead I checked out all the reviews online which told me they weren't great and mostly because of the system they were on.

Sony has really let me down over the past couple of years and it shows no signs of stopping. All of the tech demos I've seen for the Sony Move have been very impressive and I'm considering getting one, but the 2 things holding me back are interviews with Sony staff and every single commercial they have made advertising it. Promotion is meant to make me want to buy their products right? Well I'm sorry but when all you do is say "it's better then everything else" and not really explain why, you've lost my money.

Ever heard of Chad Warden? He's a notorious Sony fanboy (youtube him), who has absolutely no problem with slamming everything that isn't his beloved PS triple. He talks about how no console but the PS3 has any games worth playing, but still fails to mention any that are worth playing. He's also under the impression that the numbers after the title Final Fantasy are purely for show and serve no purpose what so ever. Apparently 7 was the first. The more Sony ads I see, the more I think that the people they're throwing out there to tell us about their products have Chad Warden on speed dial so they can instantly reminisce about how great they are.

What's wrong with just being humble? Why not let the products speak for themselves? Do they have to rely on shameless self promotion to get anything sold? Maybe if they improved their products they wouldn't have to resort to this sort of advertising.
Thought train over, think on it.

Mass Effect 2

2010-02-19T18:20:00.001-08:00

The follow up to 2008's game of the year has finally landed, but does this space epic reach for the stars or merely fall by the wayside?

The story thrusts us violently into the thick of it, with your ship, crew and your own life being destroyed before the opening credits have even rolled. A pro-human company rebuilds you with the aim of having you destroy human abducting insects allied with a race of sentient beings that threaten the galaxy. Along the way you'll uncover truths of the universes best kept secret, the Protheans, as well as make new friends, enemies and love interests. If there is one thing Bioware knows how to do it's write an in depth story you can't put down, and this is no exception.

Mass Effect has evolved it's combat system considerably. With the inclusion of heavy weapons and being able to take out individual body parts, it firmly cements itself as a strategic 3rd person shooter. With 6 available classes to choose from as well as 10 different party members, it's easy to build a team to handle any situation. Unlike the first game where you're somewhat encouraged to create a team you'll have for the entire story, Mass Effect 2 does well in making sure you keep your team mates rotating, which is not only good for the combat, it's good for the story.

Visually this game is stunning. From lush vibrant planets to massive alien spaceships you'll rarely see a blurry pixel. You can also count on having the perfect music for every situation. With the inclusion of Martin Sheen and sci fi superstars Carrie-Anne Moss and Tricia Helfer, you will never hear a badly spoken line of dialogue.

Short of a few character importing problems I can't find fault with this game. If you enjoy space exploration, 3rd person action and in-depth rpgs then Mass Effect 2 is the game for you
10/10

Arkham 2

2010-01-31T14:25:00.000-08:00

Batman: Arkham Asylum was amazing, that goes without saying. After I finished it though I thought "they'll never get a good sequel out of it with the bad guys left". You could maybe do something with the Catwoman or some more Riddler stuff but there's no bad guy that can take the place of the Joker, that's just how it is. Turns out the creators thought something along the same lines...

The very first thing I saw of the so far un-named sequel is that the Joker isn't locked away somewhere never to be seen again, but rather free and has taken over some sort of abandoned amusement park in plans for what I can only assume is revenge. Looking a little worse for wear, the Joker sits in a large leather easy chair while his nurse, Harley Quinn, tends to his drip.

So far that's all we know for sure about this highly anticipated sequel. Here's hoping we have more to talk about soon.

What I'd like to see

2010-01-30T19:19:00.000-08:00

I was just playing Lego Rock band with my girlfriend and I had a couple of ideas for different versions I would like to see.
Here we go...

No.1, Comedy Rock Band.
Here is a genre that is seriously missing out, with the exception of Trogdor by Strongbad and maybe Thunderhorse by Dethklok in Guitar Hero 2 there have been no entries into the comedy section of the rhythm based fray. How about some Flight of the Conchords, Monty Python or Weird Al download packs? I'd even buy an accordion controller so I can jam as the man himself.

No.2, Rock Band Legends.
Before you start, I'm fully aware that guitar hero 3 was named "legends" and that also happens to be the place the similarity ends. This is where we get to relive some of the really iconic music moments. Sure Guitar Hero 5 did a pretty good job with all the guests they had, but I'm talking a full game here, not just a few tracks. Hendrix at Woodstock, how about some of the Live Aid shows? T.I.S.M. at the big day out (personal favorite). I'm not talking about just taking some old live recordings and sticking them into a game. I'm talking Beatles Rock Band treatment. Recreate everything digitally and perfectly as it was, every song is played where it was meant to be played and the musicians do what they actually did. Who wouldn't want to see the end of Marilyn Mansons, Guns, God and Government tour played out on your Xbox?

I want john5 to destroy his custom Fender Telecaster in my living room, then just to get extra style points I can do that same with a cheap, white guitar shaped controller. Oh what fun!

His name was Mario...

2010-01-17T13:41:00.000-08:00

How could he just leave like that? I mean we've been through so much together and then he just ups and leaves. He defeated a god damn gorilla for me for gods sake.

The gorilla took me while I was sleeping, I'd just returned home from a gala event exhausted so i had my best dress on. I just awoke under his arm as he carried me up a skyscraper under construction. Still have no idea why. We got a 3rd of the way up and he stopped for a break, I looked down and saw a carpenter in red overalls following us up. A small amount of hope fluttered to life in my chest as he started the ascent. The gorilla saw the carpenter and went into a barrel throwing rage, running as fast as he could the carpenter grabbed a hold a of hammer and started smashing the barrels to pieces, all the while still climbing to get to me. My heart stopped when I saw the bottom of the tower catch fire. The carpenter ignored it and just kept climbing. He could have reached out and touched me when the gorilla picked me up again and carried me another 3rd of the way up.

This happened once more before we reached the top, I noticed that on the way up the carpenter picked up my hand bag and umbrella. He jumped over yellow blocks at the top of the tower and caused pieces to drop away. When he got to me all the pieces broke off at once and the gorilla tumbled down a 3rd of the tower and landed on his head. We stared deep into each others eyes and the love felt could almost be seen it was that thick. After that he dropped me off at home and said he would call the next day...

He never called.

The day after the next I saw him on the front of my local paper, arm in arm with some blonde ditz he just saved. I couldn't believe this, 1 day after he saves me he heads off and saves someone who looks exactly like me and appears on the front of a paper. Few people on the internet even know about me! Pissed off I read on only to discover she's made him change into blue overalls and now he's taken up plumbing, PLUMBING! I make a few phone calls and manage to get in contact with the gorilla who kidnapped me. Turns out the reason he did everything he did was to prove his masculinity to his wife, they'd recently had a baby boy who they'd named after him and it turns out that the baby is already stronger. His loss on the tower didn't help. I forgive him for what he's done and told him my plans.

After some rather costly breast implants, hair dye and extensive planning I'd finally arranged to do the grand opening of a Mario theme park. It was all sorted, just as i cut the ribbon Donkey Kong jr swept me up and locked me away. Turns out the plumber had now had some practice in rescuing damsels and got to me quite easily. We talked for a while over some cake and things are better now. Every now and then I'll make an appearance to play some baseball but i mostly keep to myself.

He's become a global superstar, recognised everywhere.
And I'm still just Pauline...

I have chortles!!

2010-01-06T22:31:00.000-08:00

Ever played any of the Mario & Luigi games for gameboy? If you haven't you're really missing out. Apart from being a really good RPG, (not as good as THE mario RPG but still...) these games are hilarious. Bad guys introducing you to the "mustard of your doom", Luigi travelling around inside a dead sock while the other socks remark that you look a bit pale and truly comical yet devastating finishing moves.

Where else can you feed your older brother a whole bunch of snacks to get him fat, just so you can throw him onto some bad guys? or summon a swarm of your crappiest minions to run at an enemy, and just to make sure they do more damage, set them on fire!

If you haven't got Mario & Luigi: Bowser's inside story I highly recommend that you head down to your local game retailer and purchase it.

A whole new shade of red

2009-11-16T23:31:00.000-08:00

"Hooray! Tekken 6" I thought to myself when I got my copy home. "What's this? All the characters are already unlocked and the main mode seem to be some crappy adventure version of Tekken". Ah well, suppose the multiplayer is still good, and I can hopefully unlock some nice cinematics by finishing the arcade mode. Cut to 20 minutes later and we find our intrepid gamer in a fit of rage. Azazel, the final boss of Tekken 6, is a cheap, spammy, overpowered, mummified bastard.

There's nothing wrong with making people earn their rewards but this is just ridiculous. I thought Seth at the end of Street Fighter 4 was bad, holy crap was I wrong. Pretty much every move you make does bugger all damage, every time you knock him down he swoops on you and knocks you down, he's constantly attacking you from a distance with huge spikes that shoot from the ground and swarms of beetles, if you attack him while he's attacking your attacks do nothing and if all that wasn't bad enough when you get his health down to a certain amount he does more damage. LIKE HE FREAKIN' NEEDS IT!! I've been playing Tekken since no.2 and I'm by no means bad at this game but this boss sure made me feel that way. There's nothing quite like having a huge bastard of a boss beat the crap out of you over, and over, and over again.

If I'd been playing this at the arcade it would have cost me nothing short of about $40. When you beat this guy that should send you a bloody medal because god knows you've earned it.

ARGH!!

2009-11-05T23:29:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else hate watching characters in TV shows play games? Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm the only one who gets frustrated by watching something done poorly, and maybe Joey Ramone was actually a very handsome cyclops from another dimension who could shoot lasers from under his fingernails. Games get mislabelled, misquoted and more than anything, NOT PLAYED! The amount of times I've seen someone "playing" video games, stop turn around and have a conversation and then continue playing is countless. "What's so strange about that?" I hear you asking, well the simple answer is that while they aren't watching and often aren't holding a controller, THE GAME KEEPS GOING!

They don't pause which i find very interesting, if I'm fighting some mother ship or equally difficult boss at the end of a game that's taken me a good 50 hours to complete, I'm not going to just put the control down, let the battle continue and have a conversation. Do these people have no goals? Maybe they just have attention spans the size of atoms, or maybe they have master telekinetic powers, they're often doing quite well even when they're in another room!

I just wish that TV creators would make sure these small things get done properly, the show itself loses a bit of it's magic when you realise they are just acting. Often quite poorly as they mash all the buttons at once of their controller with no battery pack, belonging to the console that isn't plugged into the TV. Sigh...

The master of unlocking!

2009-10-28T00:09:00.000-07:00

Since it's coming up to Halloween again I thought I would go back and take a look at a classic game in the horror genre. My game of choice!? The Gamecube remake of the Capcom classic, Resident Evil. Apart from boasting amazingly better graphics and voice acting (thank god) than the original, this remake also comes with some added story elements. This game has such atmosphere compared to most horror games I've played and even though I've finished it a hundred times, I still get edgy when I have to go down a corridor I know is swarming with crimson heads.

Now out of the two playable characters (Chris Redfield and Jill Valentine), I'm the only one I know who picks Jill. The only perks I've observed playing as Chris is that you have Rebecca to heal you anytime you want for a portion of the game, and you get a flamethrower with a terrible range to use for about 5 minutes. If it weren't for Rebecca, Chris would never have gotten out of that mansion. Jill on the other hand, did it all herself. She solved the puzzle that needed some piano skill, she mixed chemicals to kill a giant ceiling plant and she can pick locks. Now as far as i can tell the only skill Chris learned while in training for S.T.A.R.S was shooting.

When it came time for Capcom to throw down against Marvel, which Resident Evil character did they include? Was it the magnum toting Barry? How about Leon with his oh-so-special hair? Or perhaps it was the man with a plan himself, Wesker? (though that would have been awesome). The answer, as I'm sure you've all predicted, is none other than little Jill Valentine. Not Chris, can't pick locks, can't mix chemicals, heal me Rebecca, Redfield, but his partner. And though in Marvel Vs Capcom 2 she constantly shouts, "I'm a member of S.T.A.R.S", she actually kicks a fair bit of arse.

So to all those people who didn't pick Jill because she looked just a little average or wasn't manly enough for a video game, just remember. She's a member of S.T.A.R.S.

Deja Vu?

2009-10-24T18:45:00.000-07:00

Namco made an arcade game in 1991 called StarBlade and I only just finished it once I rediscovered the game as a bonus in Tekken 5. It's a space themed rail shooter which takes you into the heart of a man-made asteroid threatening earth, and only you and your crack squad of pilots can destroy it and save the world. Sounding a little familiar yet? If not you probably haven't played any of the Starfox games.

Especially not the very first in the series, Starwing on the SNES. Now clones of games aren't rare. There are countless Mario and Sonic clones so it didn't seem strange that someone would steal from the Starfox franchise. The amount of times i thought, "wow, i can see where they stole this from" when playing StarBlade was a little too much to just be coincidence. That is until I learned that StarBlade was made 2 years before Starwing. The music, the bosses and even the way you enter the final level all seem to share a little too much. Hell, even the credits look the same!

StarBlade starts you by launching you from a space station directly into combat with a large fleet of enemies, once destroying everything here you travel into an asteroid field, once you've passed here you end up in the final area which consists of a short flight across a desert planet before heading inside to destroy the core.
Starwing starts by launching you from a station on a planet, then you move through an asteroid field, then a enemy fleet, before coming to the final level in which you travel over the surface of a desert planet before heading inside to defeat the final boss.

Starwing is one of my all time favorite games so I'm really hoping that everything I've written about is a coincidence. It was Picasso who said "Good designers copy, great designers steal." and I'm really hoping that isn't the case here.

Is that my old format?

2009-10-21T00:40:00.000-07:00

Backwards compatibility is something very important to me, don't get me wrong though, the future is the place to be, but it's always nice to see how far we've come. Plus some of the best games I've ever played are on older consoles. This is where Nintendo Wii shines, just plug in your old Gamecube controller, chunk in a memory card, slide your disc in and you're good to go.

Sadly the same can not be said about Sonys Playstation 3. I recently found a stack of PS2 games i thought I'd lost, so I rejoiced and then slid one into my PS3. Wouldn't you know it? my PS3 doesn't play PS2 games. I thought it just needed an update, so i plugged it in and waited the half hour it needed only to find... FAIL! still no joy. I got my PS3 when Metal Gear Solid 4 came out so it's not the oldest model you can get, but i did find that a friend of mine who got his on the launch date, does indeed have some backwards compatibility. Maybe you're thinking "why not just trade in your current one and get one of the new slim models?" Well i would but the first Playstation i got was a PS1, not a PSX but the slim version. I played it for about a month before it broke and the only repair i had available was to buy a new one. Moving on to my PS2, i got one of the old chunky ones and it worked for a long time before it died, then i purchased a slim one. Same deal, it was a piece of crap. Now if i want to play my old games i either have to buy an old Playstation or upgrade the one i have.

Naturally i choose the upgrade and i still run into problems. I've downloaded WipEout HD, Marvel vs Capcom 2 and Medieval and they are all saved onto the hard drive. Now if i buy a new slim version, I still get no love. Sony decided to give up on the whole backwards compatibility thing with the slim versions so if you want to play old games, you better have the old consoles. INFURIATING!

Should they have made a external hard drive like the Xbox? or made it so you can copy your data onto a memory card like the Wii? Either way i think Sony needs to have a good long, hard think before they release the Playstation 4.

Lame, so lame...

2009-10-16T02:53:00.000-07:00

Ever been shamed by being beaten by Luigi? How about losing a race to tails? There are so many characters in games that just leave you feeling humiliated when you lose to them. I've sunk to all all new low, how about being beat up by a unicorn? Pretty sad huh? Well on this occasion i would have prefered that. I WAS KILLED BY THAT UNICORN!! There i was, sneaking up on a minotaur for a surprise attack and who should come up and ravage me from behind? But thier gang leader.

This is the bastard here, look friendly right? WRONG! That's just to lure you in so it can stab you up and eat your bones. Doesn't matter what race you are or where you come from, you step on it's turf and you're a gonner.

Watch out for him, you've really got to watch out for all mythical animals in everything, they're mythical for a reason. That reason is that someone came along and wiped them all out because they're a menace, a menace to everything and everyone.

Heed my words mortal, or you might be the next victim. It might not be today or tomorrow, but one day a fluffy little Hippocampus is gonna come along and you'll be all smitten by it's adorable, cuteness and then BAM! You're lying face down in a pool of your own blood.
You've been warned.

Super Street Fighter 4

2009-10-12T03:15:00.000-07:00

After the release of Street Fighter 4, it was inevitable that eventually Super Street Fighter 4 would come. So far we know that there is going to be a butt load of gameplay tweaks and 8 additional characters, including some new! The first of the new characters announced is Juri.
All we know about her so far is that she practices Tae Kwon Do and was previously somehow associated with S.I.N.

Mmmm megaman

2009-10-12T03:10:00.001-07:00

Is this the coolest cookie you've ever seen? C'mon you can tell me

Bayonetta

2009-10-12T02:53:00.000-07:00

Devil May Cry is one of my all time favorites, not Devil May Cry 2 or 3, but 1. In my opinion they ruined Dante when they gave him the choice to specialise in a particular fighting style instead of being the master he should be. Which part devil part human wouldn't be good at sword fighting as well as shooting? Terrible decision made if you ask me, (and I'm guessing you are other wise you wouldn't be reading this) but they did redeem themselves with no.4 by unveiling a brand new hero, Nero. We had a wonderful chance to get back to basics and just kick arse like a man infused with demon blood should, and lo and behold, it was a great success.

It seems now that the Devil May Cry creator himself Hideki Kamiya, is having another go at starting again with new and upcoming title Bayonetta. God damn am i excited about this! This time around you play as a witch with just as much destructive power as the devils of old, guns inclusive. Set for an early release in 2010 there is a minor wait, (all depending on how long you've already been waiting, GAH) and let me tell you, this is one that you will definitely want to pick up.

SNAAAAAAAAAKE!

2009-10-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or has the Metal Gear name been tainted a bit? I was recently going over the history of the game, and i got an overwhelming sensation of disappointment. I love the Metal Gear games but it's no longer just Metal Gear, it's now a franchise. What started as a game inspired by the great escape has blossomed into a worldwide stealth phenomena and it's showing no signs of stopping.

When i think over each title individually i get very different conclusions about all of them. The very first in the series (the NES version anyways) though enjoyable was incredibly frustrating. The second, Solid Snake, was everything a good game should be and seems to surpass everything that the newer titles have done. As you can guess things start to slip a bit from here on.

When Metal Gear Solid came out on Sony's Playstation it blew everyone away. Amazing graphics and equally as impressive game play, this game had it all. Though elements of the plot were a bit over done, it did it in a new way and managed to keep it fresh. Everyone wanted a piece of Snake. Then we come to Metal Gear Solid 2. Some new graphics and game play features helped keep things new but ultimately you were playing through no.1 in a new environment, fun at the time but when i look back on it a bit lazy.

Next we move onto no.3, Snake Eater. This one tells the story of the man whom Snake was cloned from. The legendary super soldier himself, the Big Boss. I thoroughly enjoyed this. A whole new type of environment, brand new story, it just reeked of excellence. The inclusion of jungle was a step of genius and I'm yet to find another environment like this in a stealth game that seems to work so well. In my opinion this was the last great title in the series.

Then my friends we move on to Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. I was intensely amazed when this came out, hell it's the reason i bought a PS3, and don't get me wrong it is a damn good game. The game play tweaks over the years have led to a finely tuned, excellent performing game. Sadly though it seems to lack the heart and soul of it's predecessors, sure the story is all wrapped up and we finally know everything that's happened (after a good 20 hours trying to figure out what the hell has just happened), but after all is said and done there just isn't a feeling of accomplishment behind it. Hideo Kojima, the creator of the Metal Gear series, had scenes from no.2 omitted because he didn't want the player to be chased down a corridor by a wall of water and ultimately succeed or die trying, he wanted options. The same things he didn't want in previous games showed up in this one. It seems like they just tried to shove too much in and in the end it seems hacky, very amateur.

What happened? Did Hideo just get bored? Was he running out of money? Was it rushed? Whatever the case may be lets hope that we're all a little older and wiser because of this.

Lets also hope the next big release, Metal Gear Rising, can bring some new and very much needed life into the series.

The man in black

2009-10-01T17:41:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of the Guitar Hero franchise and i got very excited when they started making musical legends playable characters. Who doesn't want to rock around a stage with Billy Corgan or have a guitar battle with Tom Morello? Well with the latest instalment in the series, Guitar Hero 5, you can make one or more of these stars a part of your band, so you can use your customized character and have them back you up on drums or bass.

I thought this was an awesome idea until i put in into practice, when i scrolled upon a pick your song set list i quite quickly chose 'Make it wit chu' by Queens of the Stone Age and that's when things stared to urk me. Not so much because of the song, but because of the fact that in my band i had Johnny Cash on bass, (that image is weird enough as it is) and everyone on the stage who isn't doing lead vocals on this song does the backing vocals.

Johnny Cash on a stage in front of virtual millions singing 'i wanna make it, i wanna make it wit chu' in a falsetto just isn't right. It's a great idea having it set up how it is and I'm sure plenty of people love it, but it just seems unholy. I never thought of myself as a musical snob but maybe i should start to.

Marvel takeover

2009-09-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

I was somewhat shocked to hear that recently Marvel comics, the company millions of people know inside out, has been purchased. By whom you say? Well that's where things start to get interesting. You know how pretty much all of the Marvel film adaptations suck? Well how about you throw in some of the creative people from Pixar studios? Want an Incredibles but with superheroes you already know and love? There's a possibilty it may now happen.

Disney bought the comic giant for a whopping $4 billion american. Apparently this has been a bit of a save with Marvel sales going down by around 33 percent over the past year. At this current point in time companies like Fox studios still have the rights to most of the Marvel universe, putting a halt on anything creative disney have planned, so we're going to have to wait a few years before we see the likes of a Kingdom Hearts for the Marvel universe or Mickey being recruited to the X-Men.

Shadow Complex

2009-09-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

The latest from epic games is a delve back into the world of side scrolling exploration, and if you ask me, they haven't done it too badly.

The in-game graphics, and i cannot stress it enough, are brilliant. It's got every shade of grey you want in a secret military installation plus a lush, vibrant forest complete with lake overhead.

The story thrusts us into this environment with the flimsy pretext of going for a hike with your would be girlfriend, and after a minute or so she disappears only to reappear a second later, being taken through a giant steel door by some armed guards. Upon following them, you find the terrorist group the Progressive Restoration, poised on the brink of unleashing nuclear weapons across America in an attempt to unite the world. The general feel for this game was inspired by Super Metroid and Castlevania:Symphony of the Night, and if you ask me, it plays a little too similar.

The game play though enjoyable can quickly become frustrating due to some slightly clumsy controls, you will often find yourself cursing as you fall down the same elevator shaft over and over again. The combat is a nice touch though, the auto aim works incredibly well and nearly every time you encounter enemies, there is an alternative to fighting them. Whether it be sneaking around them, shooting an explosive barrel nearby or detaching an electric cable to swing wildly around to dispatch your foes, you always have options. Even if some of them aren't immediately visible.

A problem encountered while trying to sneak around is the visibility. Your view is limited because of the 2D environment and often when passing through doors there will be an unseen enemy ready to raise the alarm directly on the other side.
The boss fights are pretty uninspired and consist of big machine after big machine, and can pretty much all be defeated in the same manner.

Overall this is a very nice return to the 2D platform, but i can't help but feel it's a somewhat rushed Super Metroid clone
6/10

Tales of Monkey Island: Launch of the Screaming Narwhal

2009-08-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

Time to polish your cutlass and sharpen your wit, we're heading back to monkey island!

Monkey island fans have been waiting for the final episode in the monkey island quintology for some time now, but has the wait been worthwhile or are we drifting aimlessly?
Launch of the screaming narwhal is merely the first chapter in the new episode, there are five chapters in total being released over a few months and so far only the first is available. For those who don't know of the monkey island series, it's a point and click pirate adventure, similar to the Kings Quest series of games but filled with a unique style of humour and ridiculous puzzles.

The game starts you in the middle of a battle against the protagonist Guybrush Threepwoods, arch nemesis, LeChuck the zombie pirate. Following a failed attempt to put an end to the life of the zombie using a voodoo sword, LeChuck is returned to the world of the living and Guybrush's hand is infected with the pox of LeChuck. Shortly after this, your ship is sunk and you are left unconscious drifting on a piece of wood, you drift to Flotsam island and the real adventure begins. Upon waking on the beach, Guybrush is greeted by a local reporter and informed of the unusual winds of Flotsam preventing anyone from leaving the island. To get information on the reporters contact, Deep Gut, Guybrush has to create some pirate news for the reporter, including a bar fight, buried treasure and the seizing of the islands only ship, the Screaming Narwhal. After a short walk into the jungle you discover Deep Gut is the Voodoo Lady from previous Monkey Island games, she tells you about how the pox on your left hand will spread and turn everyone into zombies, leaving you with no choice but to cure the pox. The only cure is a voodoo object called, La Esponja Grande, or the big sponge. The rest of your efforts are contained in fixing the winds and leaving the island, however here to thwart all your efforts is a French surgeon with a passion for amputation named, the Marquis De Singe. Once the winds are fixed you leave the island and set out for the last place you saw your wife Elaine with your enemy, the now human LeChuck.

Unlike most of the previous Monkey Island games this one is not just available on PC, it's also a Wiiware download. The Wii version seems to be a little bit jumpy and laggy in places which doesn't hinder the gameplay at all, but can get a bit annoying. The graphics still retain the cartoony look of the Monkey Island games, and so does the sound. With the return of the classic voice actors there is rarely a moment when the conversation disappoints.

If you've never played a Monkey Island game before, Launch of the Screaming Narwhal is a good place to start. With the sort of brain training that you'll never really need and the witticisms of one of the most un-hero like lead characters in any game, you just can't go wrong.
8/10

Toast anyone?

2009-08-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

Just gotta love the folks at EPIC games

In 2007 Newline cinema bought the rights for Gears of War and is planning a film. All i know so far is that it's being written by Stewart Beatty of Pirates of the Caribbean fame.

Gears creator, Cliff Bleszinski is quoted as saying, "here we have a writer who managed to take a Disney theme park ride and turn it into a compelling movie franchise, i think he can do the same for a video game".
Hopefully we shall see something of this project in the near future

Lego Battles

2009-08-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

In 1997 Mindscape games created the first lego game entitled, LEGO ISLAND. A first person PC game in which you explore lego island and help islanders with tasks like delivering pizza, having races and putting bad guys in jail. It was met with immediate commercial success and an award for family game of the year in 1998. Since then we've seen over 30 Lego titles, and the latest, LEGO BATTLES is a dive into the world of real time strategy. The question is though, does this build a masterpiece or does it deserve to be disassembled and stored under the bed.

In Lego Battles there are 6 stories to follow, knights, wizard, pirates, british navy, earth and alien and each story consists of 15 levels, so there's plenty to play. Each story starts with a small cutscene to set the story up and they all contain the humour we've come to expect from the lego games. After you've finished a mission which will generally involve building your army and conquering the enemies, you can freely explore the map to find hidden items helpful in unlocking things like more levels for multiplayer use or hidden characters.

As Real time strategy games go it's an easy one to pick up and play. It utilises the touch screen of the DS well for selecting units and issuing orders, however a few problems do arise. Every now and then you'll select an enemy instead of telling your men to attack it, though annoying it doesn't get too in the way. Another problem i've encountered, and this is a tiresome one, is that the units sometimes cannot find thier way around obstacles, so instead of giving them a waypoint and having them reach it on thier own, they will often get stuck on trees, bridges and cliffs. Forcing you to give new orders to keep them on track. The presentation is excellent. You can clearly make out each individual lego man and the weapons they are holding and the environments are clear and colorful.
The sound is just what you would expect from a RTS game, each unit will grunt when given orders and factories will give a fanfare when a unit is produced.

Something i think lego battles has over the other RTS games for DS is it's multiplayer. Though the multiplayer is standard for a game of this sort, the difference with lego battles is you can chop and change units of different races so you aren't stuck with just the one. It's got everything you would expect from a RTS game and though there are a few bugs, there aren't enough to spoil it.
If you're a fan of the lego games but want something a bit different to the norm, or just a fan of RTS, I highly recommend you check this one out.
I'm giving this game a solid 7 out of 10

A whole new universe

2009-07-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that the true fans of Starfox have been a bit more than dissapointed with the last installments of the series, but believe it or not, there is still hope. This hope comes not from Nintendo, but from Sol Team. Never heard of them? Me neither, but for the past 6 years they have been working on a project called Shadows of Lylat and i must say, it looks damn promising.

It runs off the engine used in Descent:Freespace 2 which means space missions of epic proportions, excellent graphics and incredibly good gameplay, unfortunately that means it will also be a PC exclusive game. Most of the gameplay content so far as i can tell has been heavily influenced by the fans, so if you're a Lylat Wars veteran you will definately want to check this out.

HIGH SCORE!

2009-06-24T22:30:00.001-07:00

Tetris high score

Recognise anyone?

Ultimate Air Combat

2009-06-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

Here is a game you've probably never even heard of and that my friends, is a damn shame. Ultimate air combat is hands down, the best flight simulator on the NES. Delivering responsive controls, decent graphics and addictive game play.

The story follows a secret war between the United States of America and a general named Don Gwano, you play the role of a lone pilot specially picked to undertake solo missions, with the aim being to destroy specific targets leaving our good friend the general, harmless.

It plays like most other flight sims. You select your mission, aircraft and armaments, then you take the view from inside the cockpit as you chase down and destroy several enemy fighters. It's once you've completed this that things start to get a bit different. Suddenly you'll reach your objective, (generally something like missile silos or oil tankers) and the game will take on a 3rd person perspective, much like the desert storm series. The environments can be quite sparse with few landmarks to go by but luckily the creators threw in a radar to help keep you on track. There are 4 missions in each level and once you've completed them all, your aircraft will receive upgrades.

As NES games go this one is pretty polished, it came out close to the end of the consoles life span and i can't really see any flaws. The difficulty increases as you progress so it keeps you challenged, the music is some of the funkiest to come out of the NES and it feels damn satisfying to use a laser mounted on the bottom of an F-14 to destroy a building.

If you're a fan of flight sims i highly recommend you track this one down.

8/10

Down We Go!

2009-06-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

For no particular reason at all, here is a picture of Megaman climbing a ladder

Enjoy!